[Sober, Balthazar would never had uttered a word about any of this. He would let his only (real) brother think whatever the hell he wanted about the fact that Balthazar was keeping things from him. But drunk, the blond, former angel was a little more lenient and a bit more talkative.]

I tried to stop him, Gabriel. I tried. I...I went behind his back, betrayed him.... I couldn't let him destroy himself. [He remembers the several levels of pain he had experienced when he had walked into the Winchesters' kitchen that night and uttered he was on their 'side.'] I just wanted to save him. And he...